0verhyped

Less than amusing ramblings from a jaded former gamer.

Monthly Archives: June 2012

Dissecting Prometheus (And Why It Sucks Balls)

This image contains about as much meaningful content as the rest of the film. Which is to say, none at all.

A.K.A. HOW HARD IS IT TO ACTUALLY WRITE A DECENT STORY?

So last week I saw the new Ridley Scott movie, Prometheus. A sorta prequel to the Alien franchise that Scott started so long ago. It had really good special effects, some great performances and excellent directing. It also has terrible hackneyed writing that raises maybe one or two good points that are later drowned out by how convoluted, nonsensical and poorly written absolutely everything else is.

The writing is so bad that I’ve done nothing but write this post for the last week complaining about it. Which is a really silly thing for me to do considering the rest of the movie wasn’t that bad and I didn’t actually even care all that much. But I love to bitch about things on the internet, and Prometheus seems ripe with shit for my to piss and moan about it.

I’m shocked to see anyone think this was an intelligent movie that raised important questions. Especially when it’s co-written by Damon Lindelof, who pulled the same “interesting concept without a conclusion or forethought so let’s just make random weird shit happen in hopes that people won’t notice that we don’t know what we’re doing” trick back when he did Lost.

The thing that annoys me most about Prometheus is the claim it’s one of those things where you’re “not suppose to know the answers”. Like having a million unanswered questions automatically makes you deep and beyond criticism, and isn’t often applied in a manner that hides how poorly written your fucking story is.

I don’t mind open ended stories that leave a lot open to interpretation. I’ve written two incredibly long analyses on two games that did exactly that and expressed how much I enjoyed trying to decipher them. But Prometheus isn’t one of those stories where my imagination is set ablaze with possibilities. It’s one of those stories where I’m constantly baffled how seemingly everything, from the existential to the mundane, makes absolutely no fucking sense and I feel my intelligence is constantly being insulted every time I’m asked to buy into this shit. Prometheus certainly raised a lot of questions for me, but not the ones I wanted raised.

Fair warning, this will be an insanely long post. Ironic as I don’t hate this movie or actually care all that much about the Alien franchise. However, Prometheus has that rare blend of genuine potential and baffling awful decisions that makes for some truly epic bitching. I’ll be bitching myself senseless so if you don’t like long winded rants, you’d best just stop reading right now.

I dedicate the following essay of me whining about a movie I didn’t like to Red Letter Media, whose review of the Star Wars prequels inspired me to complain endlessly on the internet. (And if getting upset at Prometheus means I should “stop watching movies”, then so be it.)

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This Post Left For Posterity

Or not, remembering why usually just leads to more drinking.

If you’re reading this and it’s at the top of the page. It means I’m not currently updating 0verhyped at the moment. However I’m not shutting it down or anything drastic and I can still be reached at JadedXGamer@gmail.com. Also feel free to click at the tabs at the top of the page to find all my old posts neatly organized into categories for easy browsing. For everyone interested in why I’ve stopped updating this blog, do read on.

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N0t Hyped: Star Wars Rebellion (PC)

I had no idea Mars was such an important planet.

A.K.A. SOMETIMES SIMPLE IS BETTER

So this is going to be my last post for a while, if not forever. Barring tomorrow’s post explaining why this is my last post. I suppose I should do something big. Like another bloated bitch fest about something I don’t like or an over thought analysis on another game I read way too much into.

But I’m tired and lazy. So I’m just going to talk about a very old fairly obscure PC game that I rather like. Most of my N0t Hyped reviews are about fairly recent games that either were not played much despite critical acclaim or were niche games with great Amazon.com feedback.

This one isn’t either of those things really. I’m not sure if I’d even call it a great game. But there’s definitely something to this title’s simplicity that really pulled me into it. Despite the name, this game really is more for strategy nuts than Star Wars fans, which might be why I like it.

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Pointless Achievements: Pointless Achievement


Wow…Just, just not even trying anymore?
Just flat out telling people what a waste this is.

Yeah, this one is actually just called “Pointless Achievement”. I’d actually forgotten I had ever even earned this one, that’s how pointless it is. Pointless Achievement is from the one, and only, downloadable expansion to Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. It unlocks when you enter the new area from the expansion. That’s it. There’s nothing else to say.

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Great Things From E3 (That Never Actually Happened)

Available Soon*

A.K.A. A LOT OF SHIT DEMOED AT E3 NEVER EVEN SEES THE LIGHT OF DAY

So E3 is in full swing this week, or half swing since it’s Tuesday, or something. Whatever, E3’s is happening at the time of writing this post. If you’re not familiar with E3, it’s the big electronic gaming expo that happens every Summer in Los Angeles. Companies roll out their next couple of years worth of crap in the form of demos and trailers and other shit.

Gamers sit around their computers waiting for each and every announcement as they watch drawn out tedious presentations. I’ve actually seen at least one person claim to take a day off from work so they could watch the E3 live coverage, and there was even a young couple who refused to leave an E3 showing even after one them started GOING INTO LABOR! But hey, they got to see a teaser for Skyrim shortly before it was placed on the internet where the whole would could see it, that’s worth risking you and your newborn’s health right?

Anyone with half a brain stem would just wait a day, or just an hour for every gaming site out there to put up detailed list of every significant announcement, likely complete with links to more in-depth articles not present at the time of the announcements. That’s what those people at E3 are there for, to report the news. It’s a press event, but gamers want to pretend it’s the Super Bowl.

And like the Super Bowl, it often ends in crushing disappointment after enduring hours of mind numbing boredom.

Game companies don’t really seem to go out of their way to discourage that behavior, probably because they like the attention. But I mind. I hate pompous pageantry and mindless spectacles being used to pad out mundane announcements and confuse the audience. Worst yet, this corporate dick measuring parade causes gaming companies to stuff their presentations with vague promises and undeveloped concepts that never materialize.

Trust me when I say you shouldn’t get too excited for E3. If the reality of the stuff they demo doesn’t disappoint you, then it probably doesn’t exist, literally.

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How Microsoft Hijacked A Generation

If you can’t just buy out the competition, you can still rip them off.

A.K.A. WHY I DON’T LIKE MICROSOFT

Come the end of this week, I’ll be taking an incredibly long hiatus from 0verhyped, but more on that later. For now I want to talk about Microsoft and how in a lot ways they basically did “win” this console generation, despite never selling the most consoles or really inventing anything all that new or different.

Microsoft has never had the best reputation. Even by giant conglomerate standards they tend to be less well liked than other companies who invade your privacy, sell you defective shit and rip you off for every little thing. But over the last few years they have seemed to harbor at least some good will with gamers with the XBOX 360. What with their “amazing” online service and the “high” standards they set for games or something.

But not me. Oh no, definitely not me. Mostly because I’m a grouchy prick who feels compelled to piss on everyone else’s good times. I tend to do that, as old men filled with bitter regret often do. But I have my reasons, which I’m more than happy to share, even when there’s no one around to share them with.

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N0t Hyped: Real Heroes Firefighter (Wii)

“Is it hot in here, or am I just dying from heat exposure?”

A.K.A. A SHOOTER WHERE YOU DON’T KILL ANYONE

It’s June 1st, which means May is over, which means indie month here at 0verhyped is over. Again, not sure why I ever felt the need to hold myself to an offhand suggestion that almost no one read because my readership is in the single digits, but whatever.

All though I feel all of the games I talk about in my N0t Hyped reviews don’t get enough attention, most of them are pretty well received by the traditional gaming community. Games like World of Goo and Braid are even amongst the best reviewed games on the systems they appear on, right next to oversold multimillion dollar bullshit that’s just a rehash of games from previous generations.

But then you got stuff like Fishing Resort, games that fill specific niches that get no respect because it doesn’t fit the narrow definition of a “hardcore game” or push the games as an art form angle. So in honor of ultra specific niche games that get no respect, I want to talk about Real Heroes: Firefighters, quite possibly the best Fire Fighting game ever made, largely because it is one of only a few Firefighting games ever made.

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